writer's block

Every once in a while when I'm writing for my blog, I get writer's block. Usually, it's because I'm writing when I'm tired, or I don't have a point, or the subject I'm tackling is just to fucking big for a blog post. Blogs have limitations, and I think the biggest limitation of blog writing is keeping it short-- no longer than three paragraphs, if possible, unless you are writing something incredibly compelling. This last week when I've been writing for my blog, I keep writing, and rambling, and going on and on about... all kinds of things. I can't seem to wrap it up into a tidy little blog post. There are too many things on my mind right now. And not in a bad way at all, I just can't seem to get my compass pointed in any one direction. Which makes for some really boring blog writing.

I could just let it ride, and not publish for a couple of weeks, but I don't want to do that right now. I'm all about September being back-to-school mode, a time to build momentum and get some shit done. I've had my vacation, and I want to write. But I need some help. I need some homework, an assignment! If you have a question, or a subject you want me to write about, right about now is a good time to tell me what that is. Post here in the comments or send me an email.

open studio...

... is happening, again. On Saturday! I'm hoping to clean the studio tomorrow, because it's a disaster right now, clay and dust all over everything. There will be all kinds of good stuff, some beautiful one-of-a-kinds and some of the standards as well. And of course, the ever-present seconds...

I also signed myself up for a show at the Museum of Craft and Folk Art on Sunday in San Francisco. So if you can't catch me in Oakland, swing by the Museum show in Fort Mason that will be featuring some other great artists as well. Hope to see you there!

attitude adjustment

This past week I've been working really hard, trying to get ahead of the overwhelming order, while also catching up with my orders from August. I haven't worked hours like this in a long time: yesterday I was in the studio at 7 am and stayed there until 4:30. I had to immediately go and drink a martini afterward, but after a long day I think the reward system should be in full effect. I almost forgot it was possible for me to work a straight 8-hour day.

I've broken the overwhelming order down into its smallest parts, and I keep looking at it, looking at it, and looking at it again. The more I look at it, the more I feel like I may actually pull it off. As I've been spending hours and hours with myself in the studio, I've started working on my attitude. Part of the reason why I took a month off from the making work was to get some perspective. My stress levels have been getting cranked all year from studio issues: not having enough assistance, nagging glaze issues, misbehaving cake stands and the relentless orders for them... all of it has made me feel like failure is the default setting, while success is something always just out of my grasp. Talk about lack of perspective... for every failure out of the kiln, there are probably 20 successes, but when you start losing your mind, all you see is the failure.

The failure mind set is completely debilitating and also totally self-fulfilling. As I deal with the overwhelming order and a few others that came in on its heels, I've been asking myself how I can think about my situation in a more positive light, starting by just appreciating that people actually want to buy my stuff at all. I also try to see all the pieces finished on time, perfectly fired. And normally I would hedge a big order by making a bunch of extra pieces. I recently read a brilliant article by Sequoia Miller in the current issue of Studio Potter magazine about this very practice, and what a waste of time it can be. I really don't have time for hedging right now, I want to count on things coming out right the first time.

So right now it's all about long solid days in the studio, deep breathing, positive visions, 8 hours of sleep, and not toooooo many martinis!

overwhelming order

I was back to work on Monday for exactly three hours when a gigantic order from a new Japanese customer rolled in. An order big enough that it caused me consternation and concern, rather than a sense of joy and elation. I immediately had this feeling of, "I will never be able to fill this order." It's a monster: sprawling, huge, covering all my weak spots (cake stands), and demanding to be fed with an endless supply of birds, cherry blossoms, and bell jars. As I typed in the order and watched the number at the bottom of the invoice grow and grow, my dread deepened. Part of my reaction stems from my experience with the five-figure order two years ago. I really think that I am scarred from that experience and I now I have a post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms when I get a big order.

But I also have to acknowledge that I really messed up that order myself. Mistake number one: procrastination. I have a leftover habit from college of putting off important things because I like to work under pressure. I was one of those students spitting out big papers hours before they were due, and I liked it like that. Unfortunately working under pressure in ceramics does not yield the same brilliant results. After I wrote up the overwhelming order, I immediately broke it down into its smaller parts, assessing all the pieces I would have to make and assemble. Then I got on the phone with Hector, my man at the factory, and laid it all out to him. He called me back within hours with a delivery schedule, and then I broke down the order further into a production schedule for myself.

I feel a bit sad for myself that success has started making me nervous, instead of happy. Maybe everyone feels this way when faced with a mountain to climb. But I've also decided that there is to be no whining. I've gotten myself organized, I'm assembling my troops. I'm determined to make this order a better experience, and someday-- maybe soon-- when I get an overwhelming order again I'll be able to jump up and down and clap my hands with joy.

back to work

I didn't want to go back to work until September 1, but the combination of August 31 landing on a Monday, and the scary pile of orders that have built up over the past 3 weeks have motivated me out of bed before 8 am for the first time in weeks. Time to hit the gym-- jeans have been getting a little tight-- then spending the afternoon in the studio. Making stuff. That's what I do!

First, some business. I've been neglecting acknowledging a blog award named the "Lovely Blog Award". Usually these awards involve awarding other people who write blogs. I'm a wet blanket when it comes to playing these tagging and award games. In fact, I play dead. What can I say, it's just not my thing. But I'll play, albeit by my own rules.

First, I was awarded by Donna Rosser, who writes a lovely blog herself called "The Barefoot Photographer." I'm supposed to award 15 blogs, but since there is no way I'm doing that, I'm going to mention a couple of interesting blogs I've stumbled onto recently that are not already posted onto my blog roll.

Color Me Katie A lighthearted little blog from a person who appears to be the opposite of me. I wish I knew how to be that... effervescent.

All About Cities A fascinating take on the social, cultural, and economic aspects of cities. If I'm ever bedridden for a long period of time, I'd probably read this whole thing.

Get Rich Slowly When I'm freaking out about money, this blog can help me get perspective.

Writing Hannah A funny and sometimes snarky blog from a writer about... writing. And annoying blog comments. And purses. And a bunch of other stuff. It's funny.

Homestead Momma Not my usual blog fare, but I found a recipe for spicy canned beans here and I'm always interested in people who are trying to live more efficiently and frugally. I especially love that she keeps a running list of food produced and preserved on the side of her blog.

It feels good to be back on my usual schedule, and I do feel calm and centered at the moment, ready to tackle everything that is coming up. I realized while I was on vacation how I have an extreme stress response every time there is something going wrong at the studio. Like, while I was in Washington, I got an email from someone whose order got broken in transit. Not a big deal really, and she was not upset. But I noticed my heart started pounding immediately, and I had a surge of adrenaline. The same response happened a few days later when I got an email from another customer about another problem. I know that this is the response I always have, and it suddenly occurred to me that maybe having an extreme physical reaction to stress is something I need to work on. Immediately following this thought was the echo of my husband's voice: "You need to relax." A request I promptly ignore. Hmmmm, maybe that's an order I should listen to.

vacation mode

I received a call the morning of my birthday from an assistant at Bride's Magazine. She wanted 6 bird cake stands for a shoot that coming Friday. After I got done laughing, (inside my own mind, or course) I said sure, I'd glaze up the cake stands they wanted and send them out Thursday via overnight UPS so they could have them for their shoot. Remember when I talked about birthday un-presents? This was like another one straight to the kisser. I found it all highly ironic, even amusing, considering all the issues and angst around my cake stands, especially the bird stands.

I had other things to work on, so I just threw the Bride's order on top of my other stuff. I was under the gun from a customer in Australia who also wanted a full stacking set of bird cake stands for her friend's birthday--like yesterday-- and part of another stacking bird set that needed to be finished for a client's wedding. And that's not even including another extra large stand (14 inch) that I've been fucking with since Spring-- another wedding order-- and the customer is so annoyed with me she doesn't even acknowledge my updates anymore. When I went into the studio on Tuesday to glaze all these things, I already decided I didn't care about anything anymore: it could all blow up in the kiln, I'd tell all my customers that no one gets anything because I suck, and life would go on. Of course the firing was pristine and perfect. Which made me think that I need to work more on not caring. But then I would be hardened and blase, like a Parisian whore maybe, and that's not the outlook I want to have. But it's still something to think about.

Unfortunately, no matter how much I thought I didn't care, my fate had already been sealed in a way I could have never seen coming. I called up Bride's to get their shipping account number so I can send out the goods on their dime, and end up on the phone/computer for a good two hours because their account with UPS can't be validated. This is an unfortunate way to spend time. As I became increasingly angry with this turn of events, it was becoming ever more clear that Bride's could not give me the information I needed, and this ship was not going to sail. In the end, the stylist for the shoot wished me well--a coded expression I truly despise, and not just because she said it-- but unless I could pay for the shipping and then bill them, they were moving on. I was already in the midst of a full-scale nuclear meltdown, and there was no fucking way I was giving them anything, so we basically gave each other the finger, and that was that.

So many lessons to be learned here, so little time to absorb them all at once. The whole situation so enraged me, I could feel it in my body for the rest of the day. It felt... bad. As a friend succinctly put it to me, "You'll give yourself cancer with that anger." More than once I thought, "Give it up. Go outside. Enjoy your day." But I had this order between my jaws and I was going to shake it until it was dead. Which I did. And then I felt completely toxic, and wrote mean things about them on my facebook fan page, which gave me temporary relief. The next day, when my brain wasn't flowing with hate horomones, I was able to see the situation more clearly, and learn a few things. But what was most clear to me, a serious vacation is no longer an option, it's a mandate. Sanity waits for me on the other side. See ya there!

little guy wins

Remember last spring when I stumbled across a major rip-off of my sprout vase in a little gift store in San Luis Obispo, California? Well my man, Mr. Escobar --my hot shit lawyer--pursued the case on my behalf. After a few months of back and forth, Escobar informed me yesterday that the company pulled their copied version of my work from their website and product line. What I really loved is that they actually said in their letter to Escobar "we pulled your client's work from our product line," basically admitting that the work is mine, not theirs. Score one for the little guy! Or in my case, the hot potter chick! Yeah!

Though the case seemed clearly in my favor-- they did such an obvious rip-off of my work-- I have to admit, I'm surprised. I expected them to go to the wall to defend their copyright, and force me to drop out of the game before I drained my own resources. I'm always pushing my own friends to step up and defend their copyright and ideas. I once offered to picket Pottery Barn on behalf of one of my artist friends, who was blatantly copying some of her signature work, as others continue to do today. I'm a major stickler when it comes to fairness, and nothing enrages me more than watching people get walked on. Well that, and bad firings. And dirty floors. And, if I'm honest, silverware sliding off the plate and clattering onto the floor also totally pisses me off. But when I had this happen to me, in a larger venue than I'm used to dealing with I have to say that I wanted to ignore it. It seemed like a major hassle, expensive, and a battle I would not win anyway. I put it off for at least a month before an attack of insomnia made me realize that it may be all those things, but it still had to be done. If I think what this company did is wrong, then it's wrong for me to ignore it.

Now, this is the funny thing: during this whole event, and a similar episode that was happening around the same time, I heard over and over from certain people, "Being copied is the highest form of flattery," and "Coco Chanel said she would shed tears the day no one copied her," and "If you're being copied it means you are great and you should be happy." I shot back my own arguments against these comments and felt pretty secure in my stance. But... when Escobar said they were pulling out, the second or third thought that ran through my head was, "What, it's not selling well enough to pay for their lawyer? They don't think my Sprout vase is worth fighting for?" And with these thoughts came a feeling of insult and injury. I think I understand now what those people were saying, even though I still think it's crappy. Anyway, I'm over all that. I feel vindicated, and that it was worth the fight.

And just in case you were wondering how cute I looked on my birthday, I looked this cute: