check yourself

Life is hectic at the moment, which is why I have not posted in a while. I realized it was really time to post no matter what because my current favorite blog, thirty year old secretary, hasn't posted since Dec 18 also, same as me. I keep checking the blog and thinking, "Has he decided not to blog anymore?" Then I realized other people might be thinking the same thing about me.

I'm still here. I have time to post because I'm snowboarding in Tahoe and had an unfortunate incident which involved my shoulder locating somewhere else during a fall, then relocating itself while I was in a spasm of hyperventilating and nausea. Fortunately the husband was with me and I was ferried down the slope by Ryan, the EMT. I love EMT people, they are so calm and centered. They are always very concerned about you, and whether you know your own name and what day of the week it is. Firemen are the same way. I absolutely love firemen. Cops... not so much, unless you're a victim...

Anyway, the fact that I can't move my arm now comes at a very inconvenient moment because I'm getting ready to leave for the New York International Gift Show in less than 10 days, and I still have glazing, packing, and a myriad of other small details to cope with, which would go so much more smoothly if I had free use of both arms. It's a major "check yourself" moment. I've managed to keep stress at bay, but my confidence has taken a hit after the last Gift show in August, which did not give the orders I was expecting and wanting. I've been readying the troops, and have taken steps to be more visible and desirable in the sea of product that is the Gift Show, but doubt has taken up residence in my brain. I do not like Doubt. Doubt is the opposite of an EMT. Doubt is like, "Oh no! I think you're screwed! What's your name? Oh my god, who named you? What kind of name is that? What day of the week is it? Omigod! It's Tuesday? You better get busy! But your collarbone is broken what are you going to dooooo....???!!!"

It's kind of great when things get taken out of your control. You have to give up. Giving up is a beautiful moment. It's realizing that all the things you thought you had to do, well, you don't have do any of it. Maybe you can't do any of it. You can't get it all done, you can't be perfect, and life keeps going. In a different way than you planned. Those down-to-the-wire, perfectly timed and executed plans.