Sunday, March 15, 2009

monday, again

Are there people out there who actually can relax on the weekend? I know that I've done it, and given enough practice, can get get pretty good at it. But not lately. Since returning from the trade show, my weeks have been flying by, with so much to do at the studio day in and day out, only about half of what I feel needs to be accomplished to be caught up actually happens. And it's not that I took a ton of orders, it's just that everyone wants their stuff before Easter... whenever that is.

It's almost funny; in the morning I feel so energetic and hopeful, I'm convinced I can get it all done and have time to do something else, like meet a friend for lunch, or run a couple of personal errands. By lunchtime that hope has disappeared, and I'm neck deep in studio jobs. I can always tell by the state of my personal appearance-- the untrimmed and unpolished toenails, the unwashed hair, unshaved legs, non-moisturized skin-- exactly how busy I am. Personal appearance check rates me: superbusy.

Weekends have become roadblocks to getting my work done, and it makes me restless and anxious. Ostensibly, I do not work weekends. But I do end up spending tons of time doing satellite tasks: taking images of my pottery, working on my website, processing paperwork, answering emails, sending out invoices, writing for my blog... This afternoon I felt frustrated, and depressed. It's Sunday afternoon, I should be drinking mimosas at brunch with friends, or sleeping in-- or something like that--and I'm itchy for it to be Monday so I can get back to work. And at the same time knowing that even if Monday came a day early, I'm still going to be running behind. And following up this thought is recognizing that I am acting like a workaholic, jonesing for the distraction and absorption of my work to keep me satisfied. If I keep acting like this it won't be an act anymore.

So, I'm in the hamster cage right now, running running running, wondering when this damn wheel will get me somewhere. At the same time, there is evidence everywhere around the studio that stuff is getting done; orders are being filled. It's the cascade of small details, the little things that take a bunch of time, that seem overwhelming to me right now. My husband suggested to me this afternoon I blow off the rest of the stuff I was trying to deal with, and go take a walk. "But but but," I said, "then I just have to do it tomorrow." He looked at me like, "Yeah? And?" So I did it-- I blew it off, took the walk, came home, and got right back to it. If I am a workaholic, right now I'm hooked.


  1. This post resonates with my whole life! Especially the part about getting up in the morning and thinking you can get it all done! Good for your husband! Hope you had a wonderful walk!

  2. So dang funny. Came up from the studio to take a short break, check email...I look at myself and I have socks on, house slippers, dry legs, shorts a sweatshirt with glaze all over it, no make-up and hair in a ponytail. I think I'll do my toenails in red tonight! Thanks for the laugh!

  3. I'm not laughing... I wish I could... I'm trying to break my own version of the "cycle"!
    I can't...for me... it's fitting in exercise... I just am always thinking I should/could be working when I'm not and then I blow off the exercise... It's happening NOW at 40... not good. Not good at all... Disasterous in fact...Keep the posts coming Whitney...

  4. My name is Shoshona and I'm a workaholic.

    I force myself 3 times during the work week to go to the gym for an hour. I can't really do anything else while I'm there and it's my time to clear my head and get a little aggression out. I always come back to the studio ready to go.
    I'm still having a hard time taking the weekends off...

  5. Anonymous3:49 PM

    I use to feel the exact same way.
    Then I decided to have a baby.
    Now I'm beyond behind and just reading this makes me anxious, but dang--enjoy the freedom to freak out freely as long as you can!