Wednesday, April 22, 2015

is this thing on?

Life has been strange, and strangely wonderful lately. First, I'm just gonna put something kinda uncomfortable out there. It may wreck your image of me as a highly successful potter. This year --so far--has been the very worst year for sales... ever, I think. I mean, in the 15 year history of my business. This month especially, April, has been the deadest month I've had in years.

I don't really want to go into it, I'm just mentioning this as a way to communicate my state of affairs. In a weird way I am grateful that things are slow, because it's giving me the freedom and the time to work on my new pieces, make some custom orders, and put time into other creative projects that I have going. I also think when my assistant left last year to move to Hawaii and I did not replace her, I was signaling to the Universe that I desire a change of pace. I feel like it's a transition time, for me, for my career-- if that's what it's called-- and that transitions are by nature temporary, challenging, uncomfortable, and what I'm feeling -- like I'm walking on a very high tightrope in a stiff breeze-- is normal and natural.

But goddammit, every once in a while I fucking freak out. I mean what the fuck?! Am I here? Am I alive? Is the internet working?! Is this thing on?!!!

I've been working out all kinds of strategies to deal with the anxiety. I'm doing yoga and meditating every single day, trying to overlay the chaos with a sheen of sanity. Ultimately I know that even if it's not temporary, this is somehow the new normal, being a wreck is not going to make it better. Being a wreck will make it harder and also make my husband miserable. He hates dealing with me when I'm a wreck.

I was having a small moment last week where I was feeling alone and adrift. Very quickly I wrote down some goals for the week, something to focus on and stay engaged rather than feel sorry for myself. I wanted to share them with you because I think these are all good goals to keep in mind if you are circling the drain:


  • Connect: with a stranger and with a friend. Write an email to someone you admire and tell them they are amazing. Even better, send them a postcard. I did both last week and it made me feel good. I also took the time to connect with a couple of friends who I've been out of touch with for too long.
  • Promote: something easy and something hard. The goal here was to get myself out of my comfort zone a bit when it comes to promoting. I can do my usual thing, but what about reaching out to a store, or to another artist and suggesting a collaboration, or submitting a story to a blog/website? This is hard for me, because I prefer to have people chase after me, but it gave me something to work on and feel like I was planting a seed or two. 
  • Finish: the thing you've dreaded and the thing you haven't made time for. We all know what that is in our lives. Get it done. You'll feel better.
  • Do: something for yourself and something for someone else. Taking care of oneself is the kindest thing any of us can do, and doing something for someone else is the next kindest. Make someone else's day while making sure you are taking care of yourself too.
And here, for your enjoyment, are some pictures of my some work that came out of the kiln last week. Yes, it's for sale, you can buy it.



6 comments:

  1. Dear Whit; I sometimes share your existential pain. I'll keep going through the motions if you will, my darling. Thanks for showing that even the most beautiful and talented among us have blue periods. The roses will bloom again!

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    1. Thanks John! I appreciate the faith you have in me!

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  2. Thank you for sharing all of these feelings Whitney! I hear your words! I am also trying to set aside time weekly for mental health, reaching out to friends, etc. I need to be reminded, or I will just keep working (and sometimes griping). As a side note, I adore your new pieces. And love how they compliment the stillness of your other work. Sales will pick up. If they don't, we can confirm that the internet is broken :)

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    1. Thank you Krystal. We all need to set time aside for our mental health, even when things are good. Let's both remember that!

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  3. Just starting out and found your blog. I really like how much of your writing I feel I connect with. You write with such humanity. I feel like sometimes it's embarrassing for me to express my frustration so that I don't feel like I'm admitting failure. It's nice to see your feelings in your writing and they make me feel like it's okay to not be totally together all the time. Will keep following :-)

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    1. It's DEFINITELY okay to not be together all the time. Nobody is, no matter how good their instagram feed looks! :)

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