Monday, April 21, 2008

the hard way

When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is try and figure out what day it is. This process can take some time and usually starts with trying to figure out what day it was yesterday. Then I go from there. This morning when I woke up and figured out it was Monday I thought, "I hate Mondays!" Then I immediately thought, "Well that's not a good way to think about the day that you haven't even started." I was feeling exceedingly negative for some reason. I just spent the weekend in Santa Monica with my sister and I should have been all relaxed and stuff, but no. I went to the studio and felt immediately overwhelmed with the big fucking mess that greeted me: orders piled everywhere, the floors covered in dust, garbled messages on the answering machine, stuff that came out of the kiln while I was gone not looking so hot. Chaos was reining. I should have turned right around and scheduled a massage for myself, but I like to do things the hard way. Always have. I packed an order and I could feel the angst building as I realized there were still items missing from it. Then I had a meltdown. Actually, what preceded the meltdown was a board bonking me in the head when I pulled out my vacuum cleaner. You should have seen it. First, I grabbed the board and threw it out the back door. Then I went after it and jumped up and down on it. That temporarily assuaged me. I went back inside and noticed half the plates I threw last week were warped. I piled them up into a huge pile and then smashed them to the ground. I really wish I hadn't done that because it made a huge mess and a rather unsatisfying smashing sound. Then I sat on my wheel and cried for about 5 minutes. Then I organized a few things and left for the day. I don't know why or how this black cloud descended on my head today, but here's to a better tomorrow!

12 comments:

  1. Tomorrow is a new day and it will be better.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Right NOW is already better.
    Enjoy it. Now.
    I can only say this because I have been there ...
    frequently...
    working on not going there though...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous6:34 PM

    Wow, wish I could have seen you jumping up and down on the board, bet you looked pretty cute!

    ReplyDelete
  4. It was the board's energy that was poisoning everything. Good thing you threw it out the door and restored balance to the studio!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Terrill7:56 PM

    I get tangled in myself frequently in similar moments of frustrated (possibly caffine-induced)-rage. It results in alot of uncoordinated, rather Dr. Strangelovian flailing and uncoordinated swatting, which I then hold up to myself as proof : total moron-hood. "cant even beat yourself with a board properly". Well...I invite you to contemplate zazen buddhism where while you are deep in your struggle for transcendance or nap-aversion) some naughty little monk sneaks up on you and wacks you on the head with a...yes! a board! So you fell victim to some sort of...cosmic monk swatting. You've had a good cry, and that can be good. go for a walk, rant. imaging yourself menacing a neighbors poodle that you find distasteful. Then sage your place and get back to work... Oh, I have a mosaic artist who can help you finalize that cleanse.
    XOXOXO

    ReplyDelete
  6. I was watching TV the other day and some guy said "we all have bloody thoughts"

    ReplyDelete
  7. While I'm so sorry to hear about your crappy day, I have to admit, it's sort of encouraging to hear you have "bad days" just like everyone else. Your work is so perfectly fresh and soothing... I couldn't imagine the person who created them lives anything less than a blissful day every day. Hope your day got better! I bet typing it out helped diffuse the frustration, too.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I can sympathize with your Monday - I had a similar one.

    Remember that song, "I hate Mondays" by Bob Geldof and Boomtown Rats. I played it for myself last night and felt better.

    We're all allowed an off day once in awhile. It makes the good days even sweeter.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Those days are the worst, I always just want to go back to bed and hit the reset button. Hope today is turning out much better for you.

    ReplyDelete
  10. And, it is no coincidence that the worst things occur on Mondays - a study shows that 87% of "this is a terrible horrible insufferable day" quotes from blogs happen to be written on Mondays (ok, I totally made that up but it does look official, huh? :).

    Hang in there, it's almost Wednesday here in ─░stanbul time!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Of course I said all of that and totally lost it today... tears and all... mine time o the month coming too... But that's no excuse....
    Felt like I really had a a bit of a slippage....

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous7:12 PM

    We were almost in sync...Tuesday I almost opened fire in the office. I also almost quit my job to take the foreign service exam so I could work in a library at an embassy in some far away land. Then I realized that working at an embassy would mean I would "serve at the pleasure of the president." Given the uncertainty of the future of that office, I figured it was best to stay put.

    Little Sister

    ReplyDelete