Monday, April 21, 2008

the hard way

When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is try and figure out what day it is. This process can take some time and usually starts with trying to figure out what day it was yesterday. Then I go from there. This morning when I woke up and figured out it was Monday I thought, "I hate Mondays!" Then I immediately thought, "Well that's not a good way to think about the day that you haven't even started." I was feeling exceedingly negative for some reason. I just spent the weekend in Santa Monica with my sister and I should have been all relaxed and stuff, but no. I went to the studio and felt immediately overwhelmed with the big fucking mess that greeted me: orders piled everywhere, the floors covered in dust, garbled messages on the answering machine, stuff that came out of the kiln while I was gone not looking so hot. Chaos was reining. I should have turned right around and scheduled a massage for myself, but I like to do things the hard way. Always have. I packed an order and I could feel the angst building as I realized there were still items missing from it. Then I had a meltdown. Actually, what preceded the meltdown was a board bonking me in the head when I pulled out my vacuum cleaner. You should have seen it. First, I grabbed the board and threw it out the back door. Then I went after it and jumped up and down on it. That temporarily assuaged me. I went back inside and noticed half the plates I threw last week were warped. I piled them up into a huge pile and then smashed them to the ground. I really wish I hadn't done that because it made a huge mess and a rather unsatisfying smashing sound. Then I sat on my wheel and cried for about 5 minutes. Then I organized a few things and left for the day. I don't know why or how this black cloud descended on my head today, but here's to a better tomorrow!

12 comments:

  1. Tomorrow is a new day and it will be better.

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  2. Right NOW is already better.
    Enjoy it. Now.
    I can only say this because I have been there ...
    frequently...
    working on not going there though...

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  3. Anonymous6:34 PM

    Wow, wish I could have seen you jumping up and down on the board, bet you looked pretty cute!

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  4. It was the board's energy that was poisoning everything. Good thing you threw it out the door and restored balance to the studio!

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  5. Anonymous7:56 PM

    I get tangled in myself frequently in similar moments of frustrated (possibly caffine-induced)-rage. It results in alot of uncoordinated, rather Dr. Strangelovian flailing and uncoordinated swatting, which I then hold up to myself as proof : total moron-hood. "cant even beat yourself with a board properly". Well...I invite you to contemplate zazen buddhism where while you are deep in your struggle for transcendance or nap-aversion) some naughty little monk sneaks up on you and wacks you on the head with a...yes! a board! So you fell victim to some sort of...cosmic monk swatting. You've had a good cry, and that can be good. go for a walk, rant. imaging yourself menacing a neighbors poodle that you find distasteful. Then sage your place and get back to work... Oh, I have a mosaic artist who can help you finalize that cleanse.
    XOXOXO

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  6. Anonymous12:26 AM

    I was watching TV the other day and some guy said "we all have bloody thoughts"

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  7. While I'm so sorry to hear about your crappy day, I have to admit, it's sort of encouraging to hear you have "bad days" just like everyone else. Your work is so perfectly fresh and soothing... I couldn't imagine the person who created them lives anything less than a blissful day every day. Hope your day got better! I bet typing it out helped diffuse the frustration, too.

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  8. Anonymous6:35 AM

    I can sympathize with your Monday - I had a similar one.

    Remember that song, "I hate Mondays" by Bob Geldof and Boomtown Rats. I played it for myself last night and felt better.

    We're all allowed an off day once in awhile. It makes the good days even sweeter.

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  9. Those days are the worst, I always just want to go back to bed and hit the reset button. Hope today is turning out much better for you.

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  10. And, it is no coincidence that the worst things occur on Mondays - a study shows that 87% of "this is a terrible horrible insufferable day" quotes from blogs happen to be written on Mondays (ok, I totally made that up but it does look official, huh? :).

    Hang in there, it's almost Wednesday here in İstanbul time!

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  11. Of course I said all of that and totally lost it today... tears and all... mine time o the month coming too... But that's no excuse....
    Felt like I really had a a bit of a slippage....

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  12. Anonymous7:12 PM

    We were almost in sync...Tuesday I almost opened fire in the office. I also almost quit my job to take the foreign service exam so I could work in a library at an embassy in some far away land. Then I realized that working at an embassy would mean I would "serve at the pleasure of the president." Given the uncertainty of the future of that office, I figured it was best to stay put.

    Little Sister

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